In turning my will and my life over to the care of God (as I understood Him) isn’t always an easy thing to do. I keep taking back control - or did I never fully give it up to begin with?
The key is that I have to stop what it is I’m thinking of, engulfed in, and consumed by in order to begin to see, not to see, but to begin to see, then there is much work to be done to continue to see, and more to continue to see more.
As a bonified alcoholic, I know first hand that my ego is cunning, baffling and powerful. It doesn’t want to die and will do anything to stay alive and kicking. It manipulates me through my mind and drags me down by suplanting delussional thoughts into my head about anything good that is in my life. And if I do catch on to its game, it changes its mask so I only think its gone, as it resumes it assalt from an alternate angle.
Having no reservations or no lurking notions of any kind. The process that brings us to purpose of being free, the freedom from self, the bondage of self. The self is the selfish needs of a person living in fear, the fear of not getting what we want or what we think we need, a fear that a loving God won’t fulfill these needs if we were to have a faith that works in our life.
Two opposites cannot inhabit the same person simultaniously. Happy/Sad, Angry/Friendly, Depressed/Elated. So when we are working selflessly with another Alcoholic, and giving of ourselves, our time and our energy without any desired compensation, then the selfishness that used to encompass the whole of our character slowly begins to die off.
The AA Grapevine is the international journal of Alcoholics Anonymous. Written, edited, illustrated, and read by AA members and others interested in the AA program of recovery from alcoholism, the Grapevine is a lifeline linking one alcoholic to another.
The writing of the Big Book took several months to accomplish. Drafts were sent back and forth to and from New York and Akron. After the New York members had reviewed each chapter, Akron members were given a chance to give their input.
There are people who can do in moderation what people filling the seats at meetings couldn’t stop doing, once they started. But we are not those people.
Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends — this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.
At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now! Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon.