In turning my will and my life over to the care of God (as I understood Him) isn’t always an easy thing to do. I keep taking back control - or did I never fully give it up to begin with?
The key is that I have to stop what it is I’m thinking of, engulfed in, and consumed by in order to begin to see, not to see, but to begin to see, then there is much work to be done to continue to see, and more to continue to see more.
If discussion strays from the step being studied, the chairperson will remind you of the purpose of this meeting. It is not the group’s intention to be intimidating or insulting to anyone. We only know that if you are talking about the problem, you cannot possibly be talking about the solution. We reserve the right of the chairperson to limit discussion to he step being studied tonight.
Good evening, everybody, this is the usual ________ night’s meeting of the _______ Men’s (and Women’s) Big Book Step Study Group and we will open the meeting in the usual manner with a moment of silence to do with as you wish.
As a bonified alcoholic, I know first hand that my ego is cunning, baffling and powerful. It doesn’t want to die and will do anything to stay alive and kicking. It manipulates me through my mind and drags me down by suplanting delussional thoughts into my head about anything good that is in my life. And if I do catch on to its game, it changes its mask so I only think its gone, as it resumes it assalt from an alternate angle.
Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn’t so. Personally, I’ve had moments where I’ll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I’ll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.
Someone to have considered themselves done with the work, simply still doesn’t get it. The old solution for us was to drink, the new solution is to not. The old solution for us was to be selfish, the new solution is to be selfless. The old solution for us was to be self-centered, the new solution for us is to be God-Centered. The old solution for us was to be delusional, the new solution for us is to turn our thinking and our will over to the care and understabnding of God and to remain open to His will for us.
Having no reservations or no lurking notions of any kind. The process that brings us to purpose of being free, the freedom from self, the bondage of self. The self is the selfish needs of a person living in fear, the fear of not getting what we want or what we think we need, a fear that a loving God won’t fulfill these needs if we were to have a faith that works in our life.
This process is not easy, adversely it is not difficult, if you are willing, honest and open minded. If you are Not Willing, it is difficult. If you are Not Honest, it is Difficult. If you are Not Open Minded, it is Difficult. In fact, without these factors, it will be almost down right impossible, but since I’ve seen so many miracles in this program, I would be amiss to even suggest that, because with God all things are possible.
Two opposites cannot inhabit the same person simultaniously. Happy/Sad, Angry/Friendly, Depressed/Elated. So when we are working selflessly with another Alcoholic, and giving of ourselves, our time and our energy without any desired compensation, then the selfishness that used to encompass the whole of our character slowly begins to die off.