In turning my will and my life over to the care of God (as I understood Him) isn’t always an easy thing to do. I keep taking back control - or did I never fully give it up to begin with? The truth is slowly revealed to me over time and is very revealing to me about my flaws and myself. My flaws, which are not going to change over night at all, and my character defects that God wants to remove, when I am fully ready to really let them go. This means, not holding onto anything, Step 2: which means I have to believe that God is everything, or else He is nothing at all, and will be there in His way, for me everywhere and always.

This is a hard thing to do because what if… what if His will is not what I had in mind for myself? What if I had better plans for myself than He has for me. Even though in the past, in almost every event, my ‘great’ plans never materialized time and time again, my ego keeps playing the same old song, bigger and better things are to come, and I will be on top again, the fierce determination to win keeps coming back again.

This is a surrender issue, I cannot surrender a piece of my will at any given time or destination, I find my will sitting right here back in my lap, I am forcing something that isn’t God’s will to happen for me because it is what I desire to happen. The rough stuff happens when I see that it isn’t going to happen and I know that it’s not God’s will for me. So how do I know what God’s will for me is?

I can tie my shoes, I can fix breakfast and go to work, but I cannot solve my spiritual sickness. I cannot solve the drink problem, I cannot heal the spiritual malady within my heart, and I cannot think myself out of these problems. My mind is the original cause of these problems. Sighting my beliefs, beliefs that were born from a life of self-centered fear, insecurity, self-doubt, they only supported and bolstered destructive thinking patterns that were solely ego driven to get and fulfill the needy needs of my fears.

So how do I separate what I can do, from what I cannot? I see all around me those exceeding their own limitations thinking they have spiritual power when they do not, they withstand much too much pressure “white-Knuckling” themselves through each day, suffering more and more, until eventually they seek a sense of ‘ease and comfort’ and they find that in many different ways. The drink, the drug, sex, gambling, eating, money: making and/or spending, hobbies, sports, and many other intermediate sprees that take place, in excessive amounts, to help ease the pain of the suffering alcoholic.

I suffer myself, because self-will exists and is very real. The ego exists and is very real also. The elements will never go away, so no one is really all that well as they may think they are, they are neither all that bad off as they may think they are. We are working on this every day as we review and adjust, we gain valuable enlightenment that opens our eyes to what we see within ourselves and within the world that surrounds us.

So it is Vital that we get through the steps as they are laid out within the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with someone to guide us who is experience in the process and can help us to see the truth and the path as it is laid out for us to travel. Once we go through the steps and have a new understanding of who and what our God is, we must come to rely on Him more and more each day by living in the solution (see: www.LivingintheSolution.org ) which is doing steps 10, 11 and 12 each day to the best of our abilities. When we falter, we get up and do better the next day.

So where do you stand with God today?