It’s amazing what I can see when I open my eyes, my eyes become shut with fear that I won’t get my needs met, my eyes become shut when I am thinking about myself, whether its self centered fear or just plain old selfishness (could be a good thought, about self) but my eyes are shut, I am asleep.

Going through most of my life up until this point dead asleep at the wheel not really paying attention to what was happening to me, by me and around me, I repeatedly missed out on the many lessons that were being taught, the many experiences and the joy of growing up could have had. Living the rogue lifestyle, you thought you were living life to the fullest, but there is suddenly so much more to be experienced that the external.

The key is that I have to stop what it is I’m thinking of, engulfed in, and consumed by in order to begin to see, not to see, but to begin to see, then there is much work to be done to continue to see, and more to continue to see more. It’s amazing that the more I see, the truth and the bigger picture of my spirit, the more I become able to see and the less I care about the petty drama of the world, its differences and the poison that people continually pass back and forth thinking that this will make them whole again. The truth is the exact opposite of what everyone thinks the solution is. Their plan is to dig deeper to climb out of the hole – this would be in China I guess…

I see the biggest miracles in the smallest happenings. If I am still and sit in a quiet place, my mind can be looking at the smallest incident, and see the entire universe wrapped up inside of it, with thousands of lessons and solutions to other problems and its own. I was always very surface and external placing all of my concerns on others – how they accepted me, reacted to me and treated me, my life of ‘self’ depended on this, and this was because this was all that I was taught and all that I had known to believe in. Believing in oneself is not a thinking that can be reached without others backing off and letting you know that it’s ok to do this. Until then I was so filled with fear I couldn’t function within myself or the outside world.

True freedom is found within me and I have to continually work for this everyday because thieves are waiting for me at the door. They want to steal my freedom, but the way they steal it is they have me give it to them. They divert my attention from all things meaningful; they create distractions and choices that don’t matter. Should I do my home work, or watch TV, the choice is simple, but it is not, TV is instantaneous gratification, homework is drudgery, unless I realize the poison in the TV and gold within the homework, I cannot make a sound decision. Having a change of mind and heart on matters, seeing the truth within the neatly wrapped lies fed to us by the machine cashing in on our inner delinquencies, is vital to my own long term survival.